Heart Break!!

Sniff….Sniff!!
I am hopeless and awful and pathetic. Yes I am so. I have nasty cold, slight touches of fever. My frequency is 15 spm(sneezes per minute)
I last took a bath on Friday and as of now I smell like rotten fish. Add to that my mom is cutting onions and my dad s cleaning the house. So in a nutshell Life today is not very good for me. But it hasn’t been good last week too.

I am heart broken. Two reasons:

My lovable Samsung phone died last Wednesday. The speaker is gone so the only purpose it served for the next two days was text messaging. I killed it. I mean, it slipped from my hands few days back and ever since that it has been ill and recently it passed away. With a heavy heart I exchanged it for a motoflip (W270) yesterday (yeah I went to wavetel showroom unbathed!!). I had practically lived with it for quite sometime now and parting with it was really painful. But I dint have any other go; till now 14 people have suggested msged me “Phone ah kuppayila podu”(throw off ur mobile in the dustbin).This new Moto thing looks weird and I am still learning how to type msgs in it. I just hope I don text sum guy as “I will surely bed u “instead of “I will surely add u”!!!(This embarrassing thing had already happened once!!)

This is the main reason of my heartbreak Last Thursday when I was painting excel sheets in office I suddenly realized that my life was tasteless, colourless and dull. Therefore I decided to paint my life with colours instead of painting the excel sheets. As I started wondering of an “action plan” it suddenly struck me that I haven’t seen my Office crush” for quite sometime now. Now, he is located in another branch of my office and mind you, I have just seen him once. Never uttered a word to him. This means he doesn’t know me in person .So I decided that on Friday I would go to his office and “take a look” at him and try to talk to him. Introduce myself and therefore become great friends.
With all this hope I delegated my work to someone else and was all set to go the next day. I informed my friends in that location that I am missing them so much and therefore am coming there to see them. (S**t!!! I lie left, right and straight these days, but no other go…Sometimes lies are also essential in life)

So on Saturday I left office by around two and reached there by three. As planned I met my friends, roamed about there, whiled away time in the canteen all in the hope of having a glimpse of this guy. But hopeless he was just like me. He just wasn’t in my sight. But I had already made sure that he was in office that day so was sure to meet him somehow atleast in the office bus. I went to the library and browsed through books .Once I came out I by chance looked into one of the pantries and Lo and behold there he was!!!

I almost got impatient to talk to him… Rehearsed my words, took a deep breath closed my eyes for a minute and on opening it I found that the place where he was standing was empty. Gosh!! I missed him.

At sharp 6 I placed my possessions in the bus and went outside to observe people. I was so damn sure that this guy would travel by this bus.
6 10 pm: No signs of him arriving! I was on the verge of giving up.
6 15 pm: I was about to retreat into the bus and silently sleep off my worries when suddenly I saw him yet again. He went into the bus and got a seat right in front of me.
Wow now this is good news. He came out and was standing right in front of me. I couldn’t have got a better chance.
Now, I don’t know if you have ever experience this.
But I did feel this.
When I see a scintillating beauty right in front of me my feet just gets rooted to the place where am standing and tongue freezes. I am unable to utter a single word.I just look as if I have been kept for three days in the freezer of a refridgerator.So that is what precisely happened there. I stood there staring at him and he being soooo dumb witted couldn’t even understand the fact that am looking at him.
When in the bus the same thing continued. I tried a few times to talk to him but all in vain.
I really don’t understand myself. I mean, when I have all the guts to go talk to a complete stranger what is the problem with me to talk to a guy who I know a bit!!!
I think the levels of handsomeness and my crush level has to play a part here.
Well after nothing else happened and he got down from the bus in his stop and looked at him sadly. I am incorrigible. I don’t think I would ever want to talk to him. I felt bad about myself.


Well, I don’t think that guy would ever read this and whoever who knows me reads this; I would just like to make certain points clear.

I am not in love with this guy. Definitely not. He is just another crush in my history which dates back to the period of my 5th standard when I had my first crush (Chetan Matre)!!!
Noooooooo Am not desperate at all!! I just wanted to take a look at him and finished the task to completion.
If on reading this any of you think am going the wrong way then you can very well think so! I give it a damn. This is my blog and I have all rights to write whatever I want to. So please spare me the sermon on ethics.

Thus ends my sad gloomy story. With mom made poori by my side I don think typing a blog is something I want to do!!

I would end this saying “All that happened is for the good”
Sigh!!

Tagged!!!!!!

Tagged
Long long ago Sreeram had tagged me and here I am doing it after about a month.That speaks loads about the kind of laziness I possess.Somehow sitting before a computer and typing out from a book is not very appealing to me. therefore I delayed it I guess.
The tag goes something like this.
1. Pick up the nearest book.

2. Open to page 123

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the next three sentences.

5. Tag five people, and acknowledge the person who tagged you.

I really don understand the concept of this tag, I mean I just wonder If its worth a tag.I just find it weird.But then this is the first time I have ever been tagged and therefore here i go.
I have been trying to read a book called "Brida" by Paulo Coelho.But I haven't crossed 20 pages yet. Not that I am a slow reader. I usually finish off a 250+ pages book in say, a good three hours time.And mind you the speed of reading is directly proportional to the amount of potato chips,Lays,Kurkure etc that I devour at the time of reading.But his whole book seems so eluding and I am unable to comprehend anything from this book.
It goes thus,
"Brida listened discreetly to their steps until the creaking floorboards above betrayed their destination;Wicca s apartment.One day Brida risked asking about these other students."Witchcraft is based on collective strength"Wicca told her.
phew!! there ends the three sentences.
Now as to the tagging part I really don want to carry forward this tag and therefore I am not tagging anyone here.

Language Troubles

Last week when I went to Landmark my hands inadvertently picked up a copy of a book titled "Learn Hindi in 30 days". A friend who accompanied me looked at me in a puzzled way.I resided in Mumbai all through primary classes so therefore there was nothing wrong in the way she looked at me.But the fact that I bought that book speaks volumes about my proficiency in Hindi. My language skills have gone for a toss and these days I find it very difficult to acknowledge that i have studied hindi in school.
I have been baffled, terrified and petrified at times reading hindi posts and going through the comments of Nive, Cammie, Sree…. the list is endless!!!!There had been so many embarassing moments due to my lack of knowledge of this language that the very thought of it makes me wince.
It so happened that a few days back as I was strolling in the terrace of my house when my seven year old neighbour Shruthi came running to me. She had a notebook and pen with her.I was wondering if she had any doubts in Maths and the thought of looking into maths books worried me to a great extent. I prayed that she shouldn't ask me to teach problems. God did help me that day..Here is what happened:Shruthi: Akka I need you to do a favour.Me: see, Shruthi, I am very busy and please dont bring your maths notebooks to me.Shruthi: No Akka!!I have an elocution contest and I want you to write the content for me!!When she said that I felt very obliged because my own brother had never asked me to do such a favour.Me:Oh sure..What is the topic??Sh: Mera priy tyohaar!!Me:$#@$#$%#%$Mera-priy-What???Shruthi:Akka, I don know what you will do I want it by tomorrow evening.Me:Shruthi you never told me its in Hindi.How will I write???Shruthi: My mom told you were in Bombay and u know hindi perfectly.Pls akka write it for me.Me: (thinking:Innuma indha ulagam enna nambudhu???)
Later that day Shruthi s mom pestered me to write up something for her and I did as I was told.Till date her mom couldn't understand why the judges laughed when her smart daughter spoke at the elocution contest and she is still surprised that her always-first-in-class daughter couldn't bag any prize that day!!
If that wasn't enough a few months back a friend of mine was looking into a newspaper.She lazily looked at me and posed a question.
She: Hey whats Tashan??Me: Don u know its a new movie s name….Saif is the hero!!She: Stupid I know that. I asked you what does it mean??Me: (baffled)Err.. wait a minute I will be back.Saying so I rushed to another room, took out a hindi-english dictionary and rummaged through the pages for the word "tashan".Now there was another confusion: I dint know if I should look up for it in the "tha" section or the "ta"!!After fumbling for half an hour I somehow found it out and rushed to my friend and non-chalantly said…"Err..Tashan means style or attitude".I wondered why people had to think about the meanings of movie names.
Well forgetting Hindi is excusable atleast but my tamil too is worse.This thing called "iyer bashai" eludes me..I really don't understand why there is a separate thing called 'iyer tamil', I mean tamil in itself is complex then why change things and try out different slangs..At home when my parents are around I speak tamil normally as everyone else does but then when my relatives land up I am suddenly expected to speak in a different slang and I usually end up goofing things.
When I was in high school my patti visited my residence once..She is known for her huge fuss for "aacharam" and my mother had warned me well before to 'behave properly'(read: speak in the right iyer accent)!!Everything went well till the time she had her lunch!!Post lunch:I wanted to ask my grandma if she needed water to drink..So here I go:Me:(supposed to say)Patti theertham sappidarela(which translates to "Would like to have some water in "iyer tamil")
Me: (intended to say) Patti thanni kudikkarela??(which translates to "Would like to have some water" in normal tamil)
Me:(blurted out)Patti thanni adikkarela??? (translating that it nearly…umm.. it means would you like to have some alcohol)
Voila!! Now what have I uttered…..That was just a tongue slip but then to my grandma it was absolute blasphemy!! She looked horrified as if she had just been subjected to watch a Mallika Sherawat item number!!.Needless to say the aftermath was disastrous as my mother had to hear to a big lecture on teaching kids the "right" things!!After this terrible 'tongue slipping' incident I made sure I kept my mouth shut as much as possible whenever my relatives are around!!
On a serious note I really cant comprehend why there is so much hype about the iyer bashai which is indeed confusing and what on earth is irreverent about speaking Tamil the way everybody else does..
And when it comes to hindi can some of you throw light on how to improve my skills to atleast a moderate level so that I dont misunderstand "jurm" for fever(juram in tamil)!!

Random Rants

The past fortnight has been exasperating. I have never felt so low and down till date as I am feeling now. It had been really harrowing and I am still in the process of getting out of it.
This phase of irritation and low feeling started when a colleague of mine started poking me with stupid questions as to why I chat long hours with a blogger friend of mine. That was none of her business and I told her that straight. But she was not the kind who would understand. She realised that only after a blast from me. Some peole are just incorrigible. How many ever times you tell them not to involve in others personal stuff they keep being nosey about it.
Last friday we had this bday treat and it was supposed to be fun. But then later I really had to repent the fact that I played spoilsport in the treat but I had no other go. Now I am the fun kind. I don get provoked easily but sometimes I do get on my nerves and then im uncontrollable. It so happened that day.A colleague of mine kept commenting on me and I was the scapegoat that day. I too was laughing until they started speaking "beyond limits". And then I expressed my dislike in the most fierce way I could ever speak.People around started staring at me but I care a damn about it. I yelled at them and then walked out of Planet Yumm. I still feel guilty for doing that.Why is it so???
That was not the end. I was blasted at by my "superiors" for almost everything like reading blogs, using IM, and also I was at the receiving end of a sermon on "how to be professional"!! I really dont understand what is wrong in using all of them when I really don have any work to do??

The only good thing that had happened in the recent past is that I happened to buy quite a lot of books after a long time.I laid my hands on a set of PGW at an unbelievable price and also bought a few others like the Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, The Namesake,Intrepreter of maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri though I couldn't get Unaccustomed Earth.Also I bagged a few tamil books by Jayakanthan and Sujatha from a friend of mine.
I have been beaming at the mere sight of so many books spread all across my house and I intend to finish all of them by this weekend. I think the only thing that can bring down my stress levels and keep me sane are books. I love them absolutely and yesterday I resolved that I would atleast spend 5% of my salary on books.
My laptop dreams are becoming far-fetched day by day. I am becoming extremely hopeless in terms of money day by day... no that should be month by month.!! These days my bank balance has stooped to such low levels that by the end of every month I borrow money from my brother who is still in school!!!I wonder if my dreams would ever be fulfilled....I wish someone sponsors my laptop.!!! Sigh..I know thats going to be a dream....I think I am growing desperate here. Will stop my rant here as its time for dinner and yeah thanks for reading the whole thing( that is if you are still reading)!!!

Are We Becoming Heartless??

I had always believed that human beings were different from animals in the sense that they have something called the rational mind which could think ‘straight’. But very recently the thought shattered into pieces. I got to know that people can call themselves ‘human’ and behave otherwise.

Now that I have confused things so much I will somehow get to the point. The other day I was travelling by bus from Thiruvanmiyur to Ambattur in 47D; much to my surprise the bus had a few empty seats and I comfortably occupied one of them…the bus filled to its capacity within the next couple of minutes and I was nearly dozing then.. Somewhere near Adyar two kids; a girl and a boy got into the bus. They must be something like three or four years old and were on their own…

They jostled into the bus and with great difficulty got hold of an iron bar a few seats before me…

The kids looked famished and wore torn n soiled clothes. They were physically challenged; both of them were deaf and dumb and the boy, I suppose had difficulties in walking too.


I kept looking at them as they both communicated with each other. It was a treat to the eyes I would say. Their hands spoke, their eyes spoke and their body language perfectly complemented for the left out gap in communicating their thoughts. They made fun of each other and were in their own worlds.


Suddenly I heard a young girl scream at them and push them away from the seat. Somebody next to the girl had got up to leave and these kids were too enthusiastic to get seated. But the girl dint want them to sit it seems... What-the-hell I thought. There was no one else to get seated there as it was for ladies and what problem could she have in the kids being seated there. She looked smart in jeans and tee and looked decent enough. She had protested because these children were nasty and dirty. "how can I have dirty things next to me" she asked the people around. Nobody bothered to reply and she pushed away the kids from the seat!!!

I couldn’t contain myself any longer. I rudely told her that children were not dirt and made them sit next to me. Of course they had soiled clothes So what???
I wonder what sort of a girl she is. Why couldn’t she see the beauty in the child rather than the dirt on their clothes???Where are the so called virtues called compassion and love???


As I had the kids next to me I could find them as happy as ever. I had tears in my eyes when I gazed at them. I wondered if I have ever done anything for such kids. I felt ashamed of myself that instant…


When I got down from the bus I kissed them on their cheeks with tears in my eyes and wished that they were as happy as ever no matter what ever life had in store for them.


The thing to be pondered over here is where is humanity heading towards???