Language Troubles

Last week when I went to Landmark my hands inadvertently picked up a copy of a book titled "Learn Hindi in 30 days". A friend who accompanied me looked at me in a puzzled way.I resided in Mumbai all through primary classes so therefore there was nothing wrong in the way she looked at me.But the fact that I bought that book speaks volumes about my proficiency in Hindi. My language skills have gone for a toss and these days I find it very difficult to acknowledge that i have studied hindi in school.
I have been baffled, terrified and petrified at times reading hindi posts and going through the comments of Nive, Cammie, Sree…. the list is endless!!!!There had been so many embarassing moments due to my lack of knowledge of this language that the very thought of it makes me wince.
It so happened that a few days back as I was strolling in the terrace of my house when my seven year old neighbour Shruthi came running to me. She had a notebook and pen with her.I was wondering if she had any doubts in Maths and the thought of looking into maths books worried me to a great extent. I prayed that she shouldn't ask me to teach problems. God did help me that day..Here is what happened:Shruthi: Akka I need you to do a favour.Me: see, Shruthi, I am very busy and please dont bring your maths notebooks to me.Shruthi: No Akka!!I have an elocution contest and I want you to write the content for me!!When she said that I felt very obliged because my own brother had never asked me to do such a favour.Me:Oh sure..What is the topic??Sh: Mera priy tyohaar!!Me:$#@$#$%#%$Mera-priy-What???Shruthi:Akka, I don know what you will do I want it by tomorrow evening.Me:Shruthi you never told me its in Hindi.How will I write???Shruthi: My mom told you were in Bombay and u know hindi perfectly.Pls akka write it for me.Me: (thinking:Innuma indha ulagam enna nambudhu???)
Later that day Shruthi s mom pestered me to write up something for her and I did as I was told.Till date her mom couldn't understand why the judges laughed when her smart daughter spoke at the elocution contest and she is still surprised that her always-first-in-class daughter couldn't bag any prize that day!!
If that wasn't enough a few months back a friend of mine was looking into a newspaper.She lazily looked at me and posed a question.
She: Hey whats Tashan??Me: Don u know its a new movie s name….Saif is the hero!!She: Stupid I know that. I asked you what does it mean??Me: (baffled)Err.. wait a minute I will be back.Saying so I rushed to another room, took out a hindi-english dictionary and rummaged through the pages for the word "tashan".Now there was another confusion: I dint know if I should look up for it in the "tha" section or the "ta"!!After fumbling for half an hour I somehow found it out and rushed to my friend and non-chalantly said…"Err..Tashan means style or attitude".I wondered why people had to think about the meanings of movie names.
Well forgetting Hindi is excusable atleast but my tamil too is worse.This thing called "iyer bashai" eludes me..I really don't understand why there is a separate thing called 'iyer tamil', I mean tamil in itself is complex then why change things and try out different slangs..At home when my parents are around I speak tamil normally as everyone else does but then when my relatives land up I am suddenly expected to speak in a different slang and I usually end up goofing things.
When I was in high school my patti visited my residence once..She is known for her huge fuss for "aacharam" and my mother had warned me well before to 'behave properly'(read: speak in the right iyer accent)!!Everything went well till the time she had her lunch!!Post lunch:I wanted to ask my grandma if she needed water to drink..So here I go:Me:(supposed to say)Patti theertham sappidarela(which translates to "Would like to have some water in "iyer tamil")
Me: (intended to say) Patti thanni kudikkarela??(which translates to "Would like to have some water" in normal tamil)
Me:(blurted out)Patti thanni adikkarela??? (translating that it nearly…umm.. it means would you like to have some alcohol)
Voila!! Now what have I uttered…..That was just a tongue slip but then to my grandma it was absolute blasphemy!! She looked horrified as if she had just been subjected to watch a Mallika Sherawat item number!!.Needless to say the aftermath was disastrous as my mother had to hear to a big lecture on teaching kids the "right" things!!After this terrible 'tongue slipping' incident I made sure I kept my mouth shut as much as possible whenever my relatives are around!!
On a serious note I really cant comprehend why there is so much hype about the iyer bashai which is indeed confusing and what on earth is irreverent about speaking Tamil the way everybody else does..
And when it comes to hindi can some of you throw light on how to improve my skills to atleast a moderate level so that I dont misunderstand "jurm" for fever(juram in tamil)!!